Hello! My Name is Bucky?

Last week while shopping for Easter supplies at JoAnn's my daughter was standing on the front of the cart. She started yelling "Full speed ahead Bucky!" Bucky? Who the hell is Bucky? Apparently Bucky is me. Now I have been called a lot of things, some of which are not appropriate for this blog but I have to admit that Bucky was a new one. I learned that Bucky is the name of the ship in Jake and the Neverland Pirates, her newest obsession. So for the entire rest of the store visit she yelled things like "Go right Bucky!" and "Bucky you aren't listening very well!". This funny little exchange made me start thinking about all of my "names". You know mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend and sometimes last on the list, but it shouldn't be is Erin. Yes, my name is Erin. I might answer to "mommy" or as Eden usually calls me "mother" but I am still me. Too often as mother's I think we subjugate who we are and what we enjoy for our families. Now I am not saying that we don't as mother's have to make sacrifices, but I am starting to realize the importance of carving out a little me time. I used to feel insanely guilty about taking some time for myself to do whatever. And sometimes I still do. You know those elusive minutes when both your kids are napping or at least pretending to nap and therefore not with you. How many of us are tempted to start catching up on other chores? There is always that load of laundry or in my case that mountain of laundry that is calling your name. I am slowly learning that those minutes may be spent well catching up on laundry but just as important is to seize those minutes for yourself. I admit that sometimes when my kids are both asleep or at least quiet that I just sit and stare at the wall and enjoy the quiet. Sometimes I get really crazy and sit down with lunch and a book and read. A real book, not a parenting book. The guilt still tugs at me when the kids are up and the fray begins again and I have to somehow figure out how to do the dishes one handed because Elijah doesn't want to be put down. But I am starting to realize that I am a better mom if I take some time and recharge.

I will also admit that I used to judge other mom's who got this idea. I would see them taking time for themselves and thought it must be nice to be a slacker mom. I also somehow thought that giving up every waking minute to my family somehow made me a better mother. I apologize to those women, I was so wrong. Apparently in my self righteous delusion I thought that being miserable somehow meant I was doing it right. I heard someone say that blogs are self indulgent. And it's true it is. But you know what I've decided I'm ok with that. I will indulge myself and take a little time for myself. Otherwise I might start thinking my name was Bucky and then where would I be?

The beginning...

The beginning of my daughters journey to make me feel old began last Thursday. My parents, my sister Megan and my brother Zack were down visiting and we went to the county fair. Last year Eden could ride most of the kiddie rides but needed an adult for some of them. This year she was tall enough to ride all the kiddie rides alone and most of the adult rides with an adult. But that is not what made me feel old. Most of my friends know I love roller coasters, love, love, love them. I am also a fan of most carnival rides. Most because I don't do those totally crazy ones that hang you upside down while you spin. The only time I have ever gotten motion sick was on a cruise boat, little boats don't bother me and when I was pregnant. No, I am not pregnant, let's just get that out of the way. But last Thursday I got totally motion sick. So motion sick that I threw up all night long. Eden however was fine. In fact she got upset when the rides ended. Me on the other hand had to work very hard to keep from puking on the storm. Good thing I had all that practice with morning sickness. So my four year old daughter out- rode her mom at the county fair. Is this the beginning of the end? I guess it could have been food poisoning too. Now that I think about it I like that idea. Maybe it doesn't mean I'm getting old, lol.

Eden is so precocious. We were at Lowe's the other day and she sees a pair of Disney princess gardening gloves, of which she already has a pair. She says she needs another one. I tell her, you already have those. To which she informs me that "I need them, you know why? Because I am going to get pregnant and I need to save them for my little baby." WHAT????? She is already planning her pregnancy? At Publix the other day she asks me "Mom, can I have a magazine about makeup?" My reply was "No way, you are four. You don't get to wear makeup." She is in such a hurry to grow up, and I know all kids are. I just want to tell her to slow down, being a grown up will come soon enough. And trust me there will be days when you wish you could be a kid again. But somehow I don't think she would listen to me.

The question is...

How many times can a relatively sane adult watch episodes of Curious George before they lose the tenuous grip on reality that they are clinging to? The answer may be somewhere around 32. Eden woke up with a stomach bug that resulted in lots of puking yesterday. In order to keep her quiet and entertained she got to watch TV all day. Really isn't that one of the benefits of being sick? But as a result she watched Curious George all day long. Now I am a fan of the PBS show, I really am. They teach simple lessons, they are cute, and the animation isn't too fast. But seriously who puts a monkey in charge of a candy store? I mean that's just ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is that I have wasted time contemplating this question. This is a dangerous path to go down. Next thing you know you find yourself shushing your four year old because she is talking and you really want to hear the end of Barbie Princess Charm School. Don't judge, I had been forced to watch the beginning multiple times, and I wanted to see the end.

We tried really hard when Eden was little to limit her TV time. In fact she didn't watch any TV until 18 months. Really she didn't. Yes, I know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children watch no TV until age 2. We almost made it but then we had to drive to Orlando in the day and we broke down and got a DVD player for the car. But poor Eli is not so lucky. He is obsessed with watching the TV. I try to limit his exposure, but I can't never let Eden watch TV. Quite honestly sometimes I need a break and a good bribe.

Some of you may not know that when we moved into our house almost two years ago (I can't believe it's been that long either) we did not turn on the cable or get a dish. That's right we don't even have rabbit ears. Now I still watch my favorite shows on hulu, but we don't have normal TV. Almost two years later and you know what; I think it was one of the best decisions we have ever made. Not only do I get to control what Eden watches, but the temptation to veg out in front of the TV after the kids go to bed isn't as strong. This in no way means that Eden is not totally obsessed with TV, she is. But at least I can decide what she watches. Now some of you may be offended at my next statement. Please don't be, it is just my opinion. Words cannot describe how much I dislike Spongebob Square Pants. I think it is stupid, offensive and makes my kid dumber for having watched it. So I do not allow her to watch Spongebob, and because we do not have TV, she doesn't turn on the TV and find it on. And as an added bonus there are no commercials. This is amazing. Eden begs for enough stuff when we go to the store, but at least I don't have to hear about what she wants at home because she saw it on TV. Now if I could just get the veggie tales songs out of my head and figure out why someone sends a monkey in a submarine to find a splashed down satellite I will have some sanity back.

So here goes...

So here goes my journey into the murky world of being a stay at home mom. Enter the world of temper tantrums and play dates, leave the world of a working mother. I am excited to be on this journey and slightly cautious as to what lies ahead. It has been five months since Elijah was born and I think I am still getting used to it. I have been on maternity leave for the last five months and will continue to be until March 20th. On the 20th I will be officially a member of the stay at home mom club. The biggest lesson I have learned being a stay at home mom so far has been that just because I am staying at home does not mean that my children will miraculously become perfect children. In fact I think the opposite has been true. Eden seems to be much more comfortable pushing her limits now that we are home. Her favorite time to explore: when I am feeding Eli. She knows I am stuck in one spot for a little while and she can create chaos. As a result she has been banned from my room and bathroom. Not that this stops her, but it makes me feel better.

And that leads me to my second lesson: Take joy in little victories and in your own delusions. Seriously no kids are perfect, and being the mother of a toddler is a lesson in accepting and taking joy in the tiny victories. For example I could get seriously frustrated that we have to visit the bathroom 12 times in a one hour trip to Target. But then Eden looks up at me and says "Mom, I listened to my body and I didn't have an accident." It makes the frustration of going back to the bathroom even though she just went ten minutes ago a little more tolerable.

My final lesson/mini rant is: Don't compare yourself to other mothers. Does it make you feel like a better mother to make super healthy lunches and snacks for your kids? Good for you, but don't look at me like you are going to call DCF because I gave my kids frozen chicken nuggets, hey I cooked them first. This is not to say that I don't try really hard to make sure that Eden eats well balanced and healthy meals. But I am not going to make myself feel bad because all she ate was two frozen go-gurts. At least it is yogurt. There is enough pressure and outside forces telling us that we are bad mothers. Do we really need to do that to each other? I promise that if you stop tsking at me because I told Eden if she doesn't start behaving that I would sell her on ebay, and I won't comment on the fact that your kid is making fart sounds behind your back.

I can't promise that my blog will contain any amazing insight into being a stay at home mom. In fact I can pretty much promise the opposite, but I will try not to sugarcoat the journey. Because someday I will find it in me to laugh at how yesterday at the park Eli had a blow out diaper. It might be funny that I discovered this because I picked him up and poop ran down my wrist. Until then I am going to take a victory in that it didn't get on my clothes, and that I am eternally grateful for hand sanitizer.

So I know it's been a long time

Like I said I know it's been a long time. It has been a really hectic month for us. Eden got sick, got better, and then got sick again, Elliott had a chemical burn on his eye, Tropical Storm Fay hit, and somewhere in there we still had to find time to do all the things we needed to. SO life has been crazy. Instead of trying to catch up on everything I am going to look forward.

Today Eden had cake for the first time. Her daycare had a party at Chik-Fil-A and they had a cake. I figured why not and Eden loved it, as oyu can tell from the pics. She is such a sweetheart, but stubborn as anything. At daycare they have given up on trying to get her to nap. She knows if she cries long enough they will come pick her up. So even though she naps great at home, she refuses to nap at daycare. So instead they give her free reign of the school during naptime. She helps make lunch and hangs out with the big kids which she loves. Last week she wa sup while the other babies were sleeping and Eden crawled to and pulled herself up on each crib and laughed at them. Apparently she thought it really funny that she was free and they were in the cribs! Oh, well. My baby girl has to be the center of attention and if she isn't she isn't happy. She gets that from her dad by the way. Add to that the stubborness she got from me and you have got one little princess. I just love that girl something fierce.

We are getting really excited about our upcoming vacation. On Sept. 25 Eden and I are flying up to meet Elliott in Washington D.C. We will be there for a few days and then we are going to drive down to Williamsburg, VA. We are super excited. We get to see some old friends in DC, and family in VA. I have never been to DC so I am just thrilled to get to go. Plus we get to take Eden. We bought a new video camera and can't wait to take videos of her. Too bad we didn't take the video camera today. Oh, well there will be more cake pictures. At least we know she will ike it on her birthday. Well, that's all for now. I will try to be better this coming month.

One Sick Baby

So Eden is sick again. She has had a cough and a runny nose for a while, and the pediatrician said it wasn't anything to worry about. But this morning she was coughing so much she couldn't eat, and she has green snot just pouring down her face. I think we suctioned out like a tablespoon of snot this morning. So I am home with the baby girl and we will be going to the doctor this afternoon. I don't know why she keeps getting so sick. I like the new daycare we have her at, but I can't help but feel like it is all my fault she is getting sick. I mean if I was at home with her she wouldn't be getting sick so much. I wish I could stay home with her. I would give anything to be with her all day. Right now she is napping, and I know she doesn't feel good. She went down without a fight and without a peep. Nap time isn't always that easy. Most days she complains about it before rolling over and going to sleep. But not today. She looked at me as I was putting her down and just started sucking her thumb.

On a happier note my cousin Peter is driving through Naples today and we are going to have lunch. I am excited to see him, it's been three years since the last time. And since Eden is home she is going to lunch with us. She loves to eat out at restaurants. I think she just likes it because there is so much to see, and Mom usually gives her bits of her food which is always fun.

Elliott is doing well, though he has been in a funky mood these last few days. He was supposed to get a raise and now it seems as if they are backing down from what they said they would do. He is upset at this, and wonders if we are making the right decision to stay here in Naples. It has been something we have talked about a lot over the last few years, and we always thought that it would eventually be worth it job wise. But now it seems as if it might not be. Well, for now we are still here and we will have to pray long and hard about what to do next. We know that there is a plan for us, we just wish we had a little peek at that plan right now.

One tough girl

So I think we may have the bully at daycare. Last Friday Elliott had the day off and he went to daycare and spent some time there playing with Eden. He said that there is one baby who is two months older than Eden and Eden went up and took the toy she was playing with. When the little girl took it back Eden pulled her hair! Elliott said Eden would crawl up to all the babies and take their toys. I asked him if they took Eden's toys and he said they tried, but they didn't. And today when I went to pick her up from daycare, the teacher Miss Karen told me Eden had pulled another little girl's hair. When Miss Karen told her no, and the other little girl was crying Eden had this guilty look on her face. I guess we need to start figuring out how to teach her to share, and not to pull other people's hair.

Eden has learned to do a lot in the last few weeks. She can sit up by herself. I mean she can go from being on her tummy and crawling to sitting up all by herself. Which she likes to do in her crib when it's bedtime. She can also wave now too. Though she waves a lot. She waves at me in the morning and it makes me happy and sad all at the same time. I love that she is getting bigger and learning new things, but it's hard cause I want her to stay little too. We are going to work on using a sippy cup next. I think it will help daycare.

Eden loves to eat. That girl will eat anything, and I swear I think she would eat all day long if you let her. She especially loves to eat what Mommy and Daddy are eating. We are giving her little bites of food when we eat with her. She is getting pretty good at feeding herself too. She especially likes the little star puffs from gerber. Hopefully here are a few new pictures for you all to enjoy!