Hello! My Name is Bucky?

Last week while shopping for Easter supplies at JoAnn's my daughter was standing on the front of the cart. She started yelling "Full speed ahead Bucky!" Bucky? Who the hell is Bucky? Apparently Bucky is me. Now I have been called a lot of things, some of which are not appropriate for this blog but I have to admit that Bucky was a new one. I learned that Bucky is the name of the ship in Jake and the Neverland Pirates, her newest obsession. So for the entire rest of the store visit she yelled things like "Go right Bucky!" and "Bucky you aren't listening very well!". This funny little exchange made me start thinking about all of my "names". You know mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend and sometimes last on the list, but it shouldn't be is Erin. Yes, my name is Erin. I might answer to "mommy" or as Eden usually calls me "mother" but I am still me. Too often as mother's I think we subjugate who we are and what we enjoy for our families. Now I am not saying that we don't as mother's have to make sacrifices, but I am starting to realize the importance of carving out a little me time. I used to feel insanely guilty about taking some time for myself to do whatever. And sometimes I still do. You know those elusive minutes when both your kids are napping or at least pretending to nap and therefore not with you. How many of us are tempted to start catching up on other chores? There is always that load of laundry or in my case that mountain of laundry that is calling your name. I am slowly learning that those minutes may be spent well catching up on laundry but just as important is to seize those minutes for yourself. I admit that sometimes when my kids are both asleep or at least quiet that I just sit and stare at the wall and enjoy the quiet. Sometimes I get really crazy and sit down with lunch and a book and read. A real book, not a parenting book. The guilt still tugs at me when the kids are up and the fray begins again and I have to somehow figure out how to do the dishes one handed because Elijah doesn't want to be put down. But I am starting to realize that I am a better mom if I take some time and recharge.

I will also admit that I used to judge other mom's who got this idea. I would see them taking time for themselves and thought it must be nice to be a slacker mom. I also somehow thought that giving up every waking minute to my family somehow made me a better mother. I apologize to those women, I was so wrong. Apparently in my self righteous delusion I thought that being miserable somehow meant I was doing it right. I heard someone say that blogs are self indulgent. And it's true it is. But you know what I've decided I'm ok with that. I will indulge myself and take a little time for myself. Otherwise I might start thinking my name was Bucky and then where would I be?