Mom's major mistake

Growing up the oldest of five kids isn't easy. Now I know in the Mormon world 5 kids is pretty normal, but in South Florida it isn't. We were those Van Dyke kids that most people couldn't keep straight. There were definitely advantages to being the oldest. I always got new clothes, I was the first to do most things (sans getting married, thanks Sean), I was in charge and usually the younger ones listened to me. Ok so maybe the only times they really listened is when I had some hair brained plan that I wanted to try, not when I was left in charge. There were, however a few disadvantages. I was supposed to be the example, I usually got in trouble for whatever the little ones did because I should have stopped it, and well being the oldest of five was a lot of pressure to excel. My parents are great parents, amazing parents, they worked miracles with all of us and have turned out five amazing kids. Not a single one of us is a sociopath or criminal. We are all good upstanding citizens and I can say with confidence that I am truly lucky to know them as adults. But the one thing I constantly grew up thinking was that the worst thing about being the oldest was that I was convinced that my parents screwed up on me and then did things better with the younger ones. Now as an adult I know that this comparison is not only untrue, but entirely unfair. But even so that thought still lingers in my mind.
When I had Eden I swore to myself that I was not going to do that to my oldest. I was convinced that being the oldest made me more sensitive to the pressures and stress of being the oldest. And not only that I was not going to treat her any different. I was going to get this parenting thing right the first time around. Flash forward to this week and I am taking Eden to the dentist. She was supposed to get basically a baby root canal on one of her back molars. We have been working on that tooth for over a year and this was supposed to be the solution. Several weeks ago Elliott noticed while brushing her teeth one night that she had a small sore on the gum. She didn't complain about it, and it seemed to be getting better. Plus we had this dentist appointment all lined up. I try to not take my kids to the doctor unless they start complaining about something hurting, are truly sick, or their behavior takes a drastic turn for the worst. Since she wasn't complaining I though it could wait until we went to the dentist. Well turns out that little sore was an abscess which was infected. The infection had spread through the tooth and was sitting on top of her permanent tooth. As a result of this Eden will have to have her back molar pulled and a spacer put in. When the dentist explained this to me I wanted to throw up. Here I was supposed to make sure that I did everything right the first time and I have failed. I didn't take care of her teeth well enough. I know the recommendations are that a child sees a dentist by their first birthday. We didn't take Eden until she was three but to be fair Eden didn't even get any teeth until 15 months. We brush her teeth every night with only the occasional missed night when she falls asleep before. But I failed. I didn't do a good enough job. I compounded my guilt by making sure that I scheduled Elijah for a cleaning when I take Eden in for her next cleaning. He will be 11 months old. And I actually said "I want to make sure I do a better job with him." The one thing I swore I would never do as a parent and there it was.  
About now any sane parent is wondering how after being a parent for four years I had not cured myself of the delusion that I was going to get everything right the first time. I mean how many of us have made major mistakes and just hope our kids won't remember when they are adults? I mean Elijah has rolled off the couch not once, not twice, but three times now. In my defense they were not all on my watch and he has a talent for getting around obstacles. Instead of feeling a sense of accomplishment that I am learning from my mistakes and correcting them, I am beating myself up that I didn't catch it in time for Eden, or at least her tooth. It is important as parents that we don't do this to ourselves. I was actually feeling like the worst mother in the world and then I thought about it. Eden got a cavity on a baby tooth, which even though we have been treating it for a little over a year, got infected and now she has to have her tooth pulled. I asked myself was that really the worst thing? I mean look at that mother in Phoenix who smoked so much pot that she forgot her infant on the top of her car and drove off. That is a mother who has some guilt to deal with. My guilt is of my own creation. The thing I should be focusing on is that I now know what to look for and that I can possibly prevent this from happening again. It does not mean that I am a bad parent because I want to be better for my kids in the future. Should I just say oh well, I can't take care of Eijah's teeth better because I didn't for Eden? That would be ridiculous. I think being a good parent is learning from our mistakes and making every effort to do better. I mean isn't that true for life in general?
So for the future I hope that I remember that I am going to make mistakes as a parent. They are inevitable. The key is to make sure that I accept them and learn from them. Hopefully one day Eden will see this and know that I am doing my best not to treat her like an experiment. That I do not just try out stuff on her to see if it works. I am doing my best to get it right the first time. It's hard being the oldest, but it's great too.